Good news or bad news; you decide. But we're going to retire this site. No, this has nothing to do with threats or other such items on our daily menu. We just have other things to do, new projects, better initiatives, innovative new media stuff - you might even find us on TV soon! Writing snark about pompous pricks just takes too much time, especially since there are so many of them.

We'll keep the site as it is for the time being. Meanwhile, if someone wants to buy it, feel free to place your bid at news@bananamarepublic.com . Serious offers only.

Don Winner, here seen at a Hamas manifestation

Incoming rocket alert. Mahmoud Zahar, one of the wackier leaders of the Gaza Taliban Hamas, has declared victory now that Israeli troops are pounding the front door of his secret cave and to celebrate he wants his fans to kill Israelis and Jews all over the world!

Now, even though there is a lot of antisemitism in Panama - we were even regaled on an anti-Jew rant by a socio of Bernal not too long ago, go figure - we don't think we really need to worry on our isthmus.

Except about our resident antisemitic Don Winner and his gang of course. Dishing out terms for his critics like "Jewish bitch" in combination with being the trigger-happy owner of a stun gun, he should probably be placed in isolation until this Gaza ordeal is over. Just to be on the safe side.

אפשר לטפל את זה, בבקשה?

One of our daily reads here in the Bananama Republic newsroom is Inca Kola News, a blog written by a stock analyst under the pen name Otto Rock about "Latin America stocks, economics, politics and stuff like that", brought to us from somewhere in a country called América.

Inca Kola News is such a good read because it is well-researched and no-drama facts and opinion, and proves that to be an investor you don't necessarily need to believe in the robber baron style capitalism of which there is so much in Latin America. Otto shows that responsible miners run better companies, that there is another side to the lies and smear coming from the North about Venezuelan economics, explains the issues behind bond and credit ratings (and defaults), offers tips and tricks and freebies as well as a company analysis service - and best of all is that it is easy to understand even for the financially uneducated like ourselves. The results of our joined efforts investigating Petaquilla can be found on both Bananama Republic and Inca Kola News.

And guess what? We're not the only ones who like Inca Kola News: The site has been nominated for Best Latino, Caribbean, or South American Blog in the annual Weblog Award competition, together with big names like Generation Y and Dolar Paralelo.

So we want you to go over here and vote Inca Kola News, not just because we want an invitation to the award ceremony but simply because it deserves to win.

Corrupta de Corazón

Balabina Herrera, the Noriega goon now running for president of our poor little country, explained some of her policy plans in El Panama America. The grist of her discourse is that to better control and manage drug trafficking, she will require Mexicans and Colombians to apply for a visa before coming to Panama. There are "good Colombians", she said, probably referring to the ones that pay the right commissions to the right PRD members. The others simply won't get a visa, we suppose. Of course she'll never implement this idiotic idea, because the Colombians would immediately bankrupt the Colón Free Zone. Or start a money laundering boycott, sinking the Panamanian economy.

Oh, she also spouted some vague crap about human rights (sic) and "quality of life". Thank God this nutcase is currently behind in the polls.

Our eyes filled up with tears here in the Bananama Republic newsroom when we read the heartbreaking story of how convicted con man Martin Lamb went to the Hard Rock Café to make donations and hand gifts to the poor and needy children of our country on behalf of the Templar Panama real estate outfit where he works. Do the poor children live in the Hard Rock Café? No, but the orphanages are too far from the city and it's easier to get publicity if anyone reporting on the charade - nobody did - doesn't have to travel beyond city limits.

Touching, right? We think so too. And what does a scammer do to get the message out? Hire the scam pimp of course!

Richard Fifer (left) with promoter President Martin Torrijos

A little bit of financial research to start the new year, also because these issues are too difficult for Panamanian newspapers and thus you'll never find them publishing about this.

What happened? Well, it turned out that Richard Fifer, the corrupt ex-governor of Coclé who now heads the Petaquilla mining scam, has spent no less than $4+ million buying Petaquilla stock in 2008. Isn't that just tragically funny? These clowns can't make their mine work, and the stock would be totally fucked if it wasn't for Fifer buying on every sell order. Look at the document (PDF) that shows the trades. Not just a couple of big buys, but the small portions typical for stock propping. Happy 2009, the year in which Petaquilla finally went under!

Remember when Martin's father, Omar Torrijos, bought a bunch of Spanish highway buses for Panama City, together with his brother the embassador in Spain? In how all these buses broke down within a couple of months after everybody had cashed his kickbacks? No? It's a famous story, but don't worry, they are going to do it again!

The bidding process for new buses has started just days ago and it is already a big mess. At the initial meeting, to be held in a couple of days, they want full tech specs of buses. But they don't know what kind of buses they want. They say 18.5 tons, which is illegal. They want the city buses to carry spare tires, which is great fun with the old schoolbuses but not for a serious transportation system which typically relies on a maintenance network. And so on.

Watch for it: This will be another disaster. A repetition of daddy Torrijos' scheme. The contract has probably already been awarded under the table.

DDD when people still
respected him

There is a lot of criticism on the justice system in Panama. People say that it is corrupt, unprofessional, steeped in political games. But that is just one side of the story! Our public ministry and the courts also have a kinder, humanitarian side.

Case in point: Former minister Daniel Delgado Diamante, who heroically assassinated an unarmed man out of self defence, is still a free man and given the opportunity to defend himself again, after so many years, not against unarmed subalterns but against really bad journalists of La Prensa who tell the truth. No, he hasn´t stormed the building waving a gun - yet. He just filed another one of his complaints.

How many ways are there to fall flat on your face? Don Winner is determined to find out. As is Andrew Beatty, our local Margaritaville correspondent from Reuters. Both were writing down this crap that Richard Fifer's Petaquilla mine would produce its first gold before the end of the month. The facts were and are that this is impossible. And guess what? Otto reports that Petaquilla delayed the date of production - again - and now even has filed an appeal against the very permit from ANAM they were hyping just weeks ago!

Again: This mine will NEVER go in production. Forget it.

Say what you want about the PRD, but our fearless government stands tall for Panamanian exporters in these difficult times of economic crisis and credit crunch. In fact, they're so busy standing tall that they forget the paperwork!

Take Balbina's brother for example. True to the long standing tradition of Panamanian nepotism, the guy is ambassador in Brussels. He should have filed the paperwork with the European Union for an extension to the preferential tariff program before the Oct. 31 deadline. But he, ehm, forgot! Too busy partying standing tall for Panama's fishermen, we're sure. And now the government has to step in and pay the difference to exporters, which will cost tax payers millions and millions of dollars. Financial crisis? Not in Panama!

Yanethe Fifer (left) with President Martin Torrijos
at the opening of La Pintada's new city hall

Petaquilla may not be producing gold any time soon, they apparently have plenty of money to spend on other projects. Yesterday two buses showed up at the La Prensa building to deliver 120 people who then staged a protest against the newspaper's "negative" coverage of the Petaquilla mine:

Luis Porto Carrero, a resident of Miguel de la Borda, said the demonstration was organized to protest the newspaper’s “policy against the company.”

“The newspaper has been dedicated to reporting on pollution and has never said anything about the benefits offered by the company to communities,” said Carrero,

Petaquilla runs a couple of do-good foundations, headed by the CEO's wife Yanethe Sanchez de Fifer. The new city hall inaugurated in the picture cost Petaquilla reportedly $270,000. Nice for local politicos, but the benefit to residents escapes us.

Similarly, Carrero told La Prensa that Petaquilla had paid for the protest at La Prensa. Hopefully they had some time left to do Christmas shopping now that they were in the city?

Martin Lamb, the lottery-swindler-turned-real-estate-hustler of Templar Panama didn't like what we wrote about him; that he was trying to hype fake lottery tickets again land next to a Mel Gibson resort and a Carlos Slim marina that do not exist. First we noticed frantic searches on Google leading to our site - he was trying to figure out how high the story already ranked (very high). Then he sent us a series of emails from a stolen Blackberry, ranting and raving about marijuana and hookers. Then he summoned us to his office to "talk things over". We said, "no way, José". Then he went quiet, or got more drunk, we don't know.

Such behavior, dear readers, is typical for these hustlers. Write something about honest people, and if they disagree you get a mature response, or invitation, or they send you documents proving you wrong. No problem. But write something about a con man and they start ranting and raving, make threats, they show up at your house with stun guns, file complaints, threaten your web host, make total fools of themselves and eventually go under in the septic pool they've dug for themselves. It's an underworld PR thing. They can't help it.

Anyway. While we sometimes wonder if there aren't any honest or at least normal people left in Panama, it really all comes down to a relatively small - but loud mouthed - group of foreign or panagringo scum that defends its turf in the expat rip-off market. Example: Templar Panama, the outfit where Martin Lamb is the second man, was initially started by Kevin Bradley the flood profiteer. Yes, that's right; what a guy! Look!